I couldn't number or name all the thoughts that ran through my head when I flipped on the news for a little bit of pre-Lilly distraction and saw her on the screen, standin' on the bridge and screamin' about Logan and Veronica. Worried as I was about seein' my girl on the bridge, looking like she was about to topple off it at the first sign of wind, I felt my heart break a little bit when I heard her screamin' about Logan Echolls.
So. This was what she had to do before keepin' our date. She had to go see her ex, the incomporable Logan Echolls. And Logan was seein' her best friend. Well wasn't that just sweet.
Still, I loved the girl and wasn't just gonna abandon her in her time of suicidal crisis, so I got on my hog without tellin' anybody where I was going and headed over to the hospital. Didn't figure I'd get anywhere, tryin' to see her. But I had to try.
Didn't even get a chance to properly cause a scene at the reception area downstairs when they wouldn't tell me where their high-profile suicidal patient was, 'cause Lilly was callin' me, sayin' they were gonna let me up. They didn't do it without a whole lot of annoyed sighs, of course, but who the hell cared?
I took the stairs because the elevators wouldn't open fast enough for my impatient ass, and I was out of breath by the time I reached the waiting room. Duncan and his daddy were lookin' at me with blatant dislike and I stared right back at 'em. Mr. Kane pointed over to her room and reminded me (in far sweeter words) that he could buy me and sell me in two seconds flat and didn't care if he cut a loss.
I nodded tightly and headed into Lilly's room. She looked all weak and tired, like a little kitten who'd caught sick. I smiled at her and leaned against the wall. "Hey pretty girl, heard you took a fall."
Aside from Duncan, Weevil was the one person I wanted to see. The sound of his voice as he greeted me made me smile. Even after what I'd done, he was here and he wanted to see me.
"I guess this seems pretty insane to you." I said, patting the side of my bed as I waited for him to sit beside me. "I told everyone about us. You'll probably catch a lot of crap because of it, but I didn't want to keep it a secret anymore."
There was so much to explain and I was already so tired. Did he even care? What did it matter to him if my best friend and ex-boyfriend would never speak to me again. They weren't important to him. No, that was the difference between what I did and what they did. Weevil wasn't important to them, just to me. They could not same the same about what they meant to me when they decided to betray me.
"I don't blame you if you're ashamed to be seen with me now. Things were pretty intense up on the bridge and I'm sure everyone will be talking about it for awhile. So, if you need to distance yourself from me, I understand."
I glanced down at the place she was gesturin' for me to sit. Didn't figure she'd want me gettin' too comfortable, after all, her bein' up on that bridge had nothin' to do with me. "Nothing you do surprises me, Lil," I admitted, deciding that if she wanted to tell me off, she would've just done it when I walked in. "Though when you called me this morning and said you wanted to see me, I was expecting a highly different scenario."
I smiled at her and reached out for her pale hand on the blanket. I'd seen a lot of Lilly in recent weeks, but never lookin' quite like this, like she was defeated. I ever get her to confess the real reasons she was ready to drop off the face of the planet, Logan Echolls is going to be receiving a royal asskicking, and Blondie's going to watch.
"Hey, my rep is solid. I can take anything you throw at me."
Of course, bein' dropped like a bad habit by Lilly Kane after sayin' that could royally screw me later.
It was strange, but the last time anyone had looked at me with the kind of understanding and acceptance that Weevil was giving me had been Duncan and he was sort of bound by genetics to stick around. Weevil took my hand and I squeezed his hand tight. There was a connection here and I didn't want to lose it.
"I went to tell Logan about us. We were already broken up, but we always took each other back. It was how we worked." I said, trying to find the right words to explain how we'd ended up here.
"This time was going to be different. I was going to tell him I was moving on and then I planned to come back and see you. Tell you that I didn't care what people said because there was something between you and me that I'd been looking for and never thought I'd find."
I looked up at him and said softly, "But when I got there, I walked in on Veronica and Logan kissing. He was making out with my best friend because she went to him to tell him about us. She didn't even give me an hour to tell him in my own words. It was too much. There is so much going on in my life, Weevil, and I just felt it all slipping away. I wanted to make everyone feel the same pain they kept inflicting on me. It was supposed to be a stunt, but it got out of hand."
I look at her as she's talkin, but I can't really hide my surprise. For one, V? Had always seemed pretty timid as far as little blonde girls went, and I couldn't really picture her bookin' off to Echolls's house to tell on Lilly. At least, not from what I had seen of her, and definitely not from all the ravin' about her Lilly'd always done. But I did know Echolls, had had my fair share of run-ins with him in the past. Heard all the bullshit stories and I didn't think half of 'em were true.
For that matter, I didn't really know how much of what Lilly was tellin' me was true, either. I mean, yeah, it's exactly what I want to hear -- but I'd known enough girls in my life to know when they were takin' advantage of you. And I'd seen the news broadcast, my girl all yellin' and hissin' about Logan this, Veronica that.
I knew there was more to the story than she was letting me in on, but I wasn't gonna push. Not yet. "They almost get you jumpin' off a bridge and don't have the common decency to show up to the hospital?" I hadn't seen them anywhere when I'd come in, just Duncan and Mr. Kane. "Wow, girl. With friends like these, you really need me around to keep 'em in line."
I smile down at her, but I ain't kidding. The second I see Echolls, his ass is mine.
He'll kick Logan's ass for this and part of me is happy about it, but part of me wants to demand that he leave Logan alone. Just forget that he exists and let me move on. I want to forget about the bridge and everything that lead me up to it.
"They were here. I told them to get out." I look at him and shrug my shoulders at his expression. "We used to be the fab four. Nothing could come between us. Then we turned on each other."
It's the truth. Whatever we had is gone now and my brother is the one stuck in the middle. "So, in case you missed it on the news. Chances are Veronica is really my sister. People at school will probably give Duncan a hard time and I could use some back up in kicking their asses. No one screws with my brother."
I smile at him and say softly, "Just ignore Logan please. He's going to have a lot to deal with and I really don't want you fighting over me. You already won. I'm yours."
Can't say I'm surprised that she doesn't want me to beat up on pretty boy, but disappointed? Yeah, a little. She thinks it's cause she's trying to move on? That's cool, even though movin' on is the least of her problems. She's goin' around screamin' about Logan kissing Veronica and she thinks she's ready to move on? "You got it."
I can't help what I feel about Lilly. Can't see how any guy who had her would let her go, ever, even for a pretty little piece like V. Lilly's got all this fire that I just don't see in Veronica, and if Lilly wants me and my boys to beat down on 09er scum? We'll be more than happy to, even if we're all doing everything we're doing for the wrong reasons. Pummeling the rich boys of Neptune High's my favorite pasttime.
Suddenly I doubletake and blink. "Wait -- she's your sister? Getting it on with your brother?" Okay, that's a little much. I'd tuned in just in time to hear about the hot makeout session she'd walked in on, had completely missed the rest. No wonder Duncan broke up with Veronica and no wonder Lilly wanted the cavalry. This kind of thing doesn't go over well at Neptune High. That 90909 zip code is supposed to protect people from this sort of scandal. "That's crazy. I suppose it'll be too much to hope for that Logan'll start up with him?"
Hey, I'm not a saint.
"He won't." I say, entirely too fast, but I know Logan won't tease Duncan about that. Everyone else may take open game on my brother, but never Logan. "If anything, Logan may be throwing punches with you. He may not care about me anymore, but Duncan is his best friend and I guess Veronica is his girlfriend now."
Yeah, that doesn't sting. Not at all. Me bitter? Not at all. I don't want to return to school, but I have to. I have no idea if I'll be an outcast or if I will be able to save my rep. It's going to be me or Veronica though and I wasn't going down without a fight.
She may have Logan, but when I was finished with her at school? That would be all she had. Unless she decides to take her place as a Kane. If that happens, I'd probably be the outcast.
"My dad and Veronica's mom had an affair. So, yeah, it looks like I have a sister. No one bothered to tell the three of us though."
I don't need Echolls throwin' punches with me, but I ain't gonna tell her that. No need to upset the girl any more than she already is, and if I see him pull a fist, I'm going knock him out before he gets a chance. Besides, if Logan ends up a bloody pulp in the Neptune High parking lot, I can always plead innocence and pretend that one of his 09er pals got a lucky swing.
Nah, I'd want the credit. "That girl doesn't hold a candle to you," I answer vaguely, and mean it. If the kid thinks he's moving up with Lilly's sister? He's forgotten what kind of girl Lilly Kane is. I can't help but admire him a little bit, though, because I may be under her spell but at least I realize it even if I can't get out of it.
Hell, maybe that's why he turned to V. And, if Veronica's mom was boning Lilly's dad, it's no surprise that the girl's decided to try and move in on Lilly's ex. Say what you will about modern science, but genetics play their part. "You got the looks in the family."
Weevil was saying everything that I wanted to hear and the best part was that I believed he meant it. He wouldn't want Veronica over me. He was happy with me. I was everything that he needed and maybe I'd feel the same about him some day. Right now I knew that I wanted to be with him more than just about anyone else in the world and that had to count for something right?
"Yeah she really can't. I mean, she's just Veronica. She's been riding my coat tails for years. If she wants my sloppy seconds whatever."
I was already starting to feel better. Like my confidence was slowly coming back to me. My world had tilted on my axis when I walked in on Veronica and Logan, but it slowly felt like it was returning to the way it should be. I was Lilly Kane. There was nothing that I couldn't bounce back from.
"I wish they'd let me out of here. I only took one pill, but I guess they have to watch me for a couple of days to make sure I won't head back to the bridge. God, in hindsight, that plan was seriously stupid."
I still can’t believe all the info that Lilly is feeding me, and I’m just waiting for her to throw her arms arout and shriek ‘Surprise!’ But she’s still lookin’ dead serious and way more upset than Echolls and Veronica are worth, so I just let it go. What else am I supposed to do?
“If it was ‘whatever,’ then you wouldn’t have been up there on that bridge,” I reply angrily, and yeah, I’m happy she’s fine. I’m happy she didn’t fall, but no matter what Lilly and I had, she almost died because of that bastard and his new girlfriend.
Fucking 09ers. They were always messin’ with everything they touched, and I deserved whatever I got for letting myself forget that Lilly was one of ‘em. Their Queen, their dictator, she fucking ruled Neptune High and I’d let myself get carried away. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her.
Lilly Kane was supposed to be a cheap win over Logan Echolls and all the rest of their 09er brigade. “And yeah, seriously stupid. Lilly, you almost died tonight. I’m glad you’re stuck here tonight, because I don’t want to lose you.”
Don’t know what it is about Lilly Kane that makes me show all my cards, but I ain’t up for playing games. Not after everything that happened tonight. “I should let you get some rest.”
Weevil's words surprised me. He basically admitted that my stunt tonight had scared him because he didn't want to lose me. He cared about me and not just in the, hey I'm nailing a Kane sort of way. Weevil was falling for me and crazy enough I was falling for him too. Maybe things were supposed to work out this way. Fate was crazy at times, but I still wasn't ready to accept that my best friend could be sister and my ex-boyfriend were falling in love. That was just too much to deal with.
"I'm sorry I scared you." I said, and I was surprised at how easily the apology was to make and more importantly that I meant it. I gently squeezed his hand when he said he should let me rest. Part of me wanted to ask him to stay, but I knew my family wasn't ready for that and honestly, I just needed to spend some time with Duncan. Out of everyone, Duncan was the most affected by what went down tonight.
"I'll call you tomorrow. Thank you." I whispered. He squeezed my hand and kissed my forehead and I felt safe and loved. Something I was sure I was never going to feel again when I had climbed that bridge. Things were slowly falling into place, but of course they would unravel again once I left the safety of this hotel room.
I watched as he headed for the door. When he turned to look at me, I smiled and blew him a kiss. "Good night, Weevil."