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(no subject) [Jun. 25th, 2005|10:16 am]
Very Neptune

[mood |angryangry]

I shouldn't be surprised that once again my son has managed to bring nothing but bad publicity to the Echolls family name. Lilly Kane's stunt on the bridge set off a firestorm of phone calls and reporters trying to get a quote from me about Logan driving his ex-girlfriend to the brink of suicide. I warned him that Lilly was high maintenance. I warned him that getting involved with that girl would come back to hurt the family, but he stubbornly refused to listen to reason. Had to do things his way and now he's created this fiasco.

Veronica Mars. He allowed himself to be caught with Lilly's best friend, the sheriff's daughter. Though, according to Lilly's outburst on the bridge, Veronica could be a Kane. Jake Kane couldn't keep it in his pants and let his boy date his possible sister? I knew those Kanes were dramatic, but their family is starting to make ours look picture perfect. It would be picture perfect if Logan hadn't foolishly gotten caught in the middle of this media circus.

I've had to cancel a public appearance despite my assurance to my manager that I could spin this properly. He's convinced it's better to lay low until some of this blows over. I'm not sure what my next move will be. I think we need to have a family meeting and discuss the best way to handle it. Logan needs to distance himself from the Kanes, all three of them. This is the last time he's going to bring shame to this family. I've worked too hard to make the Echolls a household name. My boy is not going to tarnish our reputation. It ends now.

Maybe it's time for a meeting with my fan club. Lynn decided it was time to make some calls and host a dinner party and we're both going to make the charity rounds. Logan and Trina will need to be called in to make personal appearance at these events. The best way to counter the Kane fiasco is to provide a united family image in the Echolls home.
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(no subject) [Jun. 25th, 2005|09:09 am]
Very Neptune

[mood |guiltyguilty]

I was awake the moment Duncan eased out of the hospital bed and made his way to the door. It would have been so easy to stop him from leaving. He would have came right back to bed if I'd asked him too, but I knew it was time to stop hiding behind my brother. People were outside and they'd want to see me. They'd want answers and the truth was, they deserved them.

It was so much easier when I hated the world. When I could point the blame at everyone but myself. Don't get me wrong, I was still angry. I was still infuriated by how things had turned out. It wasn't fair, but honestly it wasn't fair to any of us. God, it was so much easier to be the scorned victim because accepting responsibility for my part in this disaster seriously sucked.

I hated that I was still hurt. Anger was easy to deal with and I was good at being a bitch. I was skilled at delivering payback and no one could touch my rage. What I wasn't good at was dealing with pain. I'd never had my heart broken before and even though I played a huge role in breaking it, I was still so bitter and crushed that two of the people I loved most in the world had played their parts too.

See, it wasn't supposed to be like this. Logan was always supposed to adore me and together he and I were the mean ones. We were the ones who made sure no one touched what was ours and we protected Duncan and Veronica because they were the good ones. The sweet ones. The ones people admired while they feared Logan and me. It was the perfect balance and the four of us connected in every possible way. There was nothing we couldn't handle.

Except that wasn't true any longer. We'd found the one thing that could destroy us. Each other. The moment we turned on each other everything crumbled around us and the backlash extended far beyond our inner circle. I'd managed to make sure no one escaped unscathed and that was something I'd have to own. I did this. I hurt all of us and it could have been so easily avoided if I'd taken a moment to get a grip and call my brother. If i'd lashed out at Logan and Veronica physically instead of falling apart and losing all self control.

I couldn't change any of that now and no matter how much I wished things could be different they wouldn't be. The look on Duncan's face when he walked into the hospital room would stay burned into my memory forever. Just like the look on Keith Mars face when I spilled the Kane family secrets would haunt me for always. He didn't deserve that. He was always so kind to me and he was Veronica's world and I'd done my part in trying to destroy it. Why exactly? Because she kissed my boyfriend after I cheated on him? It seemed so fucking stupid now, but I knew it wasn't just because of that kiss. It was knowing that the one thing I was still holding on too, the four of us, was slipping away. That kiss was the final nail in the coffin that had become life. I wanted out. That was what scared me the most. I'd thought my trip on the bridge was a stunt. It wasn't until I was up there that I realized...I was more than tempted to just fall.

The door to my room opened and in stepped the last person I wanted to see. Which was funny because at the same time he was the only person I wanted to see. The look on Logan Echolls face when he closed the door behind him would be added to the list of things burned into my memory.

"Hi." I whispered, forcing myself to meet his gaze. I'd never felt so pathetic as I did in that moment. I was weak and Logan knew he. It now knew that I could break and that was something I'd always wanted to hide from him.
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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2005|03:44 pm]
Very Neptune
[mood |worriedworried]

When did my life turn into soap opera? Like, real soap opera? With me standing between two sisters? What is this? Reality show? It's all just so... fucked! Everything has gone to hell. Me kissing Veronica. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't have, but I'm not even sorry I did. Not at all. And I probably should be sorry as Lilly caught us, but I'm not. Not sure why.

I am sorry I hurt Lilly, though. We always have had somewhat masochistic relationships, that's true. We have always hurt each other and enjoyed it, it just how we are. Both of us. But today? It went too far and the saddest thing is, it wasn't meant to be like that, wasn't meant to be at all. So where does it leave us? Me and Lilly. Me and Veronica. Lilly and Veronica. Veronica and Duncan. All of us? How did we ended up all so fucked up?

We're like drama princesses, Lilly more than the rest of us and Duncan less than the rest of us, but still, there's drama, there's tragic, there's pain and love and if it were a play we would have the theater full with people waiting to see us. We'd be popular, not that we aren't now.

I walk in the kitchen to find something to drink, because God knows I need a drink, the news are on the radio and I'm tempted to turn it louder just so I can hear how much more crap are going on in other people lives.

"...Lillian Kane, was found atop the Coronado Bridge only minutes ago. She was talked down from her precarious perch by Neptune Sheriff, Keith Mars and is now being taken to Neptune General Hospital. Authorities refuse to state whether or not drug use might have been a cause of this, and Mars is declining any comment. More on this situation as it develops."

I don't even notice as the glass I'm holding slips from my fingers and breaks against the floor. Lilly. She's... because of... Oh, God. This isn't real. Not happening. Please just tell me this isn't happening. Not Lilly. She wouldn't... No. She... but...

God, I have to go and see if she's alright, I have to make sure she's fine, have to... I don't know what. Hell, I doubt she will even want to see me, but that doesn't mean I can't go, right?

I pick up my car keys not bothering to get anything else, before walking out of the house. I need to get to the hospital, make sure Lilly's fine. Even if she doesn't want to see me, I don't care. I love her. I want her to be fine. I want all this to never have happened. How did this even happen? When did all this begin?

Lilly dumping me. Yes. Because I kissed someone. Then Lilly coming over and finding me kissing her best friend. Then Lilly going to a bridge and... Shit! All this is just my fault. Like everything else always is. Because I never think what I do. Like always. And now I'm responsible for Lilly being hurt. Hell, nearly dying even. It's all my fault.

Jake Kane is in the waiting room once I get to the hospital. As is Veronica. I see Celeste further by the window, talking on the phone. Duncan isn't here, so I guess he's in with Lilly. That's good. If there is one person, Lilly trusts no matter what, it's Duncan. Used to be me and Veronica, but I doubt that's still so.

"How is she?" I ask as both Veronica and Jake looks at me. From the look Jake Kane gives me I understand – he knows whom to blame. Me. Well, that's fine. Then there're at least two of us who blames me.
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don't you forget about me [Jun. 23rd, 2005|08:21 pm]
Very Neptune

[mood |confusedconfused]

"And in breaking news, we've gotten word that heiress to the Kane fortune, Lillian Kane, was found atop the Coronado Bridge only minutes ago. She was talked down from her precarious perch by Neptune Sheriff, Keith Mars and is now being taken to Neptune General Hospital. Authorities refuse to state whether or not drug use might have been a cause of this, and Mars is declining any comment. More on this situation as it develops."

I pull my car into the driveway and turn off the ignition with shaky hands; Lilly tried to -- Lilly was on the Coronado Bridge and my dad saved her. Well. Lilly's always had a penchant for the overdramatic, but somehow I don't think that even she'd do this sort of thing unless she was really a lot more upset than I'd given her credit for. Maybe her tears weren't fake. Maybe she was telling the truth. Maybe she hadn't been sleeping with Weevil and had really just been waiting to see what I would do.

Right. And maybe this is just another bad dream.

I collect my bag and phone from the passenger seat and duck out of the car. As I approach the front door of my house, I can hear shouting; my dad's voice, and then my mother's. I wince inwardly and toy with the idea of not going inside at all; the story of the hero who saved my best friend who told him absolutely everything, I'm sure -- NPR hadn't given me any information except for the basics, bridge, Lilly, Dad, Hospital -- but I knew she'd never come down off that bridge without making sure that my father knew exactly why she was there.

Which explains the shouting.

As I open the door, I catch my mother's eye. Dad isn't facing me, but she is and she looks terrified; she looks, I think, the way that I must have looked when Lilly made her presence known this afternoon. And I know it, I know that Lilly hasn't been lying to me. We really are sisters, and it's the biggest mistake that my mother ever made in her life. "How could you be so selfish, Lianne?"

I've never heard him like this, furious and hurt and about to fall into pieces all at the same time. My dad's always been stoic. Sheriff. He's always been my dad. I close the door behind me quietly and I step into the room. "Yeah, mom," I echo, leaning against the wall for support. My knees feel weak. "How could you?"

There are tears streaming down her cheeks all of a sudden, and she tries to put on a brave face. "I didn't," she sobs, and she seems so much like Lilly that I find it hard to wonder if she's maybe not Lilly's mother, too. Maybe we're full sisters, real life sisters. "Veronica is your daughter."

To my surprise, and my mother's, my father nods firmly. Once. "Yeah, I know." He turns away from her and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug. "Are you okay, honey? Did you hear about --"

"I heard it on the radio. Is she okay?" Dad nods again and takes a step back from me. He has a grim smile on my face and this is it, I think, this is when he's going to tell me everything that Lilly said about me. And he's going to ask me if it's true. And it will be true, but she'll have said it in such away that it all seems like my fault.

But he doesn't ask me anything. "She's a little bit shaken up. They took her to the hospital for evaluation, they'll probably keep her for a day or two."

He turns back to my mother, who by this point has stopped crying and is really almost smiling. Like a plan that's unfolded perfectly, like a lie that's gone off without a hitch; nobody told my mother that today is not the day for smooth sailing. My dad keeps his arm around me as he continues talking, but all the tenderness has gone out of his voice. "You need to leave, Lianne. Right now. Because if I have to leave and take Veronica with me, things will be a lot worse."

I glance at my dad with thinly veiled surprise, which is nothing compared to the look that has crossed my mother's features. Shock. Fear. "And just where do you expect me to go," she is asking, but he shrugs. "You can't just keep me from my daughter, Keith."

I look at her incredulously. This is all her fault, and now she's trying to use me as her ace? I don't think that my eyes could be open any wider. "He doesn't have to," I answer, shrugging out of dad's grip and stalking off toward my bedroom. The arguing begins again, in quieter tones this time, and I don't doubt that it's about me. My behavior. My parentage. My friends.

I pull off my shirt as I walk into my bedroom. I need to go to the hospital, but I need to change first. I'm ready to face the consequences of my actions, but I need to start fresh and I need to do it right this second. Even my jeans -- I change from one nondescript pair into another, and I glance into the mirror before I turn back toward the door. I'm fine. I'm ready for this.

I'm ready to deal with Duncan and Jake and Logan and Lilly all at the same time. I ignore my parents as I walk back through the living room and slam the door behind me and I hurry to my car. I turn off the radio before I can hear anything else, and instead I replay the events of the day in my head. I think the radio might have been safer.

Dreams. Lilly. Weevil and Lilly, Logan and me, Duncan -- oh God, Duncan. Who will not be okay with any of this, and I can hardly blame him. He's the only innocent person in this situation, and even he's not all that innocent. My father, my mother, my real father -- though which one is real and which one is fake is entirely up for debate. Keith raised me. Keith loves me. Genetics mean nothing.

No matter what Lilly tries to claim. I make my way into the hospital and up to her floor; I know where she'll be. It's the only private floor of the hospital, the one sanctioned by 09'ers for plastic surgery recovery and suicide attempts. The bonuses of living in a small town where your dad is the sheriff are numberless, really. As I step off the elevator, I see Jake Kane and I cross my arms defiantly. I don't see Logan, yet. I wonder if he should be called.

I walk over to Jake. "Where's Lilly?" I ask, and my voice is trembling. He sighs.

"Veronica, maybe this isn't the best time."

"Where is she?" I demand again. He looks at me stonily.

"You can stay in the waiting room," he replies and there's no way that we're related. He's too cold. Just like his daughter. Just like his son. I wonder where Celeste is, and dial Logan's number.


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(no subject) [Jun. 23rd, 2005|07:50 pm]
Very Neptune

I got the call from Dad and everything after that was a blur, I ran from soccer practice with coach yelling obsenities from the sidelines. Fuck him, something happened to Lilly. I barely remember jumping into mom's car, revving the engine and taking off towards the hospital. What the fuck happened?

The mundane life of neptune sped past me so fast I was sure I'd get a ticket, but there was a traffic jam on the bridge and half the sherriff's office was out dealing with that, or so the radio said. I shut it off before I could hear why. Finally, after what seemed like forever I got to the hospital, there were reporters everywhere and Clarence Weidman spotted me before anyone could get too close.

"Where's Lilly?" I asked him as he ushered me into an elevator.

"I'm taking you to your father, he's waiting for you." His voice was devoid of emotion. Just like my dad, have a robot under his thumb.

"I don't give a shit about my father right now, Where is LILLY?" I glared at him with everything ounce of frustration that I felt.

The next thing I knew we were in a cold hallway and my dad's arms were around me. "She's going to be ok, she's going to be ok." He repeated it enough times that I wanted to hit him, and then he pulled out an envelope that had been opened.

"This was in her purse," I grabbed it from him, noticing it had been torn open, my name was scrawled on the front in Lilly's very distinct handwriting.

"You OPENED IT?!?!" I glared at him and opened pulled out the paper inside.

"Yes, Duncan but ..." I looked up at my father and cut him off with a look, the shock written all over his face. His golden boy never stood up to him, that was Lilly's job.

"I don't see your name on the front do I? Or does all that money rot away your ability to read?" I spat at him. All I knew was something had happened and I couldn't think straight.

I tuned out whatever he said next and read the letter, my stomach turning with every single word written carelessly across the pages. Logan and Veronica? Veronica betrayed me? Betrayed Lilly? Lilly tried to ... Oh god. Oh god. I felt my face redden.

"Where. is. she?"

"Your sister is very fragile right now, she needs her rest."

I hated him. I'd never really considered my father someone to hate, Lilly had always gone on about how he was too strict, how she'd never live up to what he wanted and I'd always kept quiet. Right now I wanted to hit him, make him bleed for causing so much pain to everyone I cared about, for causing me so much pain.

"This is your fault. Yours! How could you let this happen? You knew Veronica could have been my sister and you let us get together anyway! You knew, and now Lilly almost died because you couldn't keep it in your pants!" I was yelling now.

"Duncan Kane!" He said, the shock more than evident in his voice.

I turned on my heal and walked up to the nurses station, the young brunette behind the counter looked from me to my father and back again.

"Please tell me what room Lilly Kane is in."

She glanced behind me and I have to assume my father just nodded his consent and she pointed to a room at the end of the hall. I nodded and walked that way, pausing briefly to give my dad a look, daring him to follow me before slipping into the room quietly.

It was a private room, of course it was private, like Lilly would ever allow someone else to share her room, even in a hospital. Her head was turned to the side and she looked paler than I'd ever seen her. She'd never been one of those sterotypical sunkissed california girls, but still she was too pale. There was an IV sticking out of her arm and I felt my rage boil up at her, at Dad, at Veronica and Logan. Even at myself, where was I when she decided to do this? Why wasn't I enough for her to hold on to?

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I've become so numb.... [Jun. 23rd, 2005|05:15 pm]
Very Neptune

[mood |restlessreckless]
[music |Linkin Park//numb]

I left Logan's and drove around for an hour trying to figure out where I should go next. Part of me wanted to run to Weevil. To just push out the sight of the guy who I love, yeah I still love Logan--stupid me, kissing my sister who used to be my best friend. I'd screwed up first. I slept with Weevil, but that didn't justify what they did to me. Weevil was nothing to Logan. He was nothing to anyone but me.

Veronica was Duncan's ex-girlfriend, my best friend, our sister. Logan and Veronica violated so many codes when they kissed. They totally gave into whatever the hell was going on between them without any regard for what it would do to Duncan and me. I hated that I was so hurt by their betrayal. That I cared enough about either of them to cry. Duncan would be devastated and maybe I should try and protect him. Try and conceal the truth about what was going down, but you know what? Secrets will only hurt you. It was better he found out.

It hit me then what I needed to do. I'd expose them both for the creeps they turned out to be. Taking the first exit I found, I parked the car in a parking lot and found my notebook. I had a plan. A way to make everything come to the surface. The ugly truth would choke everyone, but at least Veronica Mars would be exposed for the bitch she turned out to be. Logan would feel the back lash of betraying not just me, but Duncan too. They'd both feel like social outcasts at school and more importantly, once this was over with, Veronica could forget about ever having a place in the Kane family. The family would never accept her after her betrayal nearly killed me.

I finished the note and quickly read over it to be sure it sounded alright.


I hate that I have to write this to you, but honestly who else do I have to confide in? Mom and Dad would never understand and i've lost everyone else that I thought loved me. Things have become so screwed up and I feel like I can't find my footing. You're my younger brother, but I've always felt safest when I had you protecting me. Now it seems like there is no one to protect either of us. How did things fall apart so fast?

Do you remember how it used to be? Back before we found out about Dad's affair and how it affected all of our lives? Back when Veronica was your girlfriend and my best friend and we didn't realize she was sharing our gene pool? I do. I remember everything and I'd do anything to get those days back. The four of us were a force to be reckoned with. No one could come between us. No one could touch us. I guess in a way that remained true because it wasn't an outsider who threw a grenade into our lives, it was the people we trusted most.

Veronica and Logan. Can you believe it? I saw it with my own eyes and I'm still feeling like I woke up in some bizarre world because god, what the hell? I thought he loved me, but you know I'm not really surprised he was kissing her. She used to be yours and we all know that Logan has always wanted to have what you had. You were the golden boy and he hated you for it as much as he looked up to you. I thought it would always be the four of us. Never in a million years did I think Veronica would betray not just me, but you too.

Logan, yeah, I believe he is capable of this and while I'm hurt, I'm not really shocked. It's Veronica's part in this that leaves me shaking as I try to stop these fucking tears from falling. Can you believe it? Veronica made me cry. No one could ever make me cry. Guess it's true what they say, only the people closest to your heart have the power to hurt you. Never thought she had in her to be this way. To be like me. She was always my moral compass and I thought she made me a better person. It's only now, after walking in on her and Logan together, kissing and then turning on me like it's my fault they couldn't keep their hands off each other, that I realize she really is a Kane. She is more cut throat than I ever gave her credit for. She destroyed everything I cared about and now I'm left here wondering how to explain to you that I can't deal with this.

It's too much, Duncan. I thought I'd be alright with Veronica being our sister. I mean, if you could deal with the truth, then I should be able too. I even thought maybe this would be a good thing. My best friend is my sister, what could be better, right? It would have been great if she was truly my best friend. Guess it's obvious now, what Mom said about Veronica was true, she was using me, using you, to improve her status. She wanted to be like us. Now she is one of us and she didn't need you or me any longer. She wasted no time in moving on...to Logan.

It shouldn't hurt this much, Duncan. Why the hell does it hurt this much? Dad was so happy to find out Veronica was his daughter. She was everything he'd wanted. Everything I couldn't be. The golden girl to stand next to his golden son. I am the one out of place in the family now. I can't go home. I can't go back and see her take everything that was mine. I can't sit back and watch her take my place in the family, take my place at school, my place with Logan and eventually...my place with you. Our relationship was the one thing I thought nobody could touch. You and me against the world, but I see it now. I see that she will move in and take my place there too and I can't be here to see it. I'm not strong enough. I can't do this anymore.

I love you. More than you're ever going to understand. You'll hate me for this, I know. I'd hate you if you left me, but god Duncan, I just can't. I can't handle this. It's too much. Everything keeps spiraling out of control and my life is crumbling around me. Nothing is mine anymore. It's all Veronica's. Please, make sure Mom and Dad know that I love them. That I know this was stupid and weak, but it was my only way out. My only way to not be hurt anymore. I've always been selfish, we all know this is true. Consider this my last selfish act. I'm putting my need to escape above what it will do to the rest of you. I love you though. You're my hero, Duncan. The one person who never let me down. Please forgive me.

Love always,


I fold the letter and slip it into an envelope. Once it's sealed and addressed to Duncan, I place it some place it will be sure to be found. In my purse with my keys to my car. Mom's xanax prescription is in my purse so I take a couple to give me the courage to face my fear of heights. I was about to self destruct in front of everyone's eyes. The funny thing was, it wasn't just an act. If things didn't work out as I planned for them too, it was okay. Oddly, I was calm as I parked my car in the middle of the bridge and climbed up to stand on the edge. Balancing carefully, I listened as cars came to a sudden hault. People screamed for me to step away, to come back down. I could hear people frantically calling for help. Calling for the police, an ambulance, someone probably called a news crew.

Help would come. I was sure of it. Help in Neptune came by one name, of course. Keith Mars.
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(no subject) [Jun. 22nd, 2005|10:09 pm]
Very Neptune
There's only so much I can take of bleach blonde bimbo's who think they run the school. Alright, so Madision Sinclair was right up there in the higher ranks of the 09ers who did, in fact, run the school. The same 09ers who expected to run the world once they get out of this place, or well once they get out of their drunken stupor of college and let their daddies buy them into life.

Too bad in the next five years its going to be people like me who run the world. I tell myself this constantly, maybe one day I'm going to believe it. Neptune just isn't the place to let dreams of the underdog fester. I mean what underdog has ever made it big here? Sure SUPPOSEDLY Jake Kane was poor as dirt and worked for his money but that was all cannon fodder as far as I was concerned.

What I wouldn't do for some devine justice on the rich kids of this town. That crowd really could use a large dose of reality check. Maybe I'd find a way to serve it to them. Hacking into the school records and changing all their grades has crossed my mind more than a hundred times; it wouldn't be hard, the school's security system was burgenoning on pathetic, but that was serious business and if I wanted to get into MIT on scholarship I'd have to watch my back.

It's not like the entire 09er crew is too bad. Duncan Kane seems nice enough, despite the sudden break up with miss perfect; Veronica Mars. His sister, now that was another question all together. Lilly had never been outright mean to me or anyone I knew but still she didn't seem like the kind of girl you messed around with. Meg Manning was too nice for her own good too, those people were going to suck her in and choke all the goodness out of her.

No it was more people like Shelly, Madison, Caitlin and Dick who proved to be the problem. Thinking they were better and taking every opportunity to make other people think it too. At least Logan Echolls knew he was an asshole. Still none of them had ever gone out of their way to be nice to me unless they needed something, which was always the luck of the draw I guess.

I liked keeping to myself, living my life in a world where people didn't give a shit if you had a BMW, only if you could hack through security codes in a minute flat. Which I could, but I wasn't one to brag. I don't really like bringing too much attention to myself. I like to scheme and pretend like I'm going to take down the elite but I never do.

I flip open some Magazine my mom suddenly thinks I should read, maybe she thinks the computer is hollowing out my brain. Maybe she thinks I want to look at next month's pre-prom issue, whatever.

Hey, A purity test? Mmmm, interesting.
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(no subject) [Jun. 21st, 2005|03:46 pm]
Very Neptune

[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

It's still surreal. Veronica is my sister; my sister, like Lilly's my sister. I can't have hormone induced thoughts about my sister, it's not right, in fact its sick. But I didn't know, how they could let that happen, let us get together when they knew. I'll never understand parents, were they really so worried about some stupid scandal that they allowed us to be together. What if we hadn't found out in time? What if I'd slept with my sister.

I can only thank whatever God there might me that my mother told me when she did. It's not like I wanted Veronica to be my sister, I loved her, maybe I still do and that makes me sick to my stomach. I'm going to get over it, sometime, it's not going to be easy. She knows now, Lilly told her when I couldn't.

See Veronica and her Dad have a relationship that I'll never understand. They are close in a way that I can barely fathom, I'll see them together, the ease in which they relate and I long for that with my own father. How could I be responsible for taking that away from her? He's her father, Jake Kane is just someone her mother screwed around with. But now she knows, I wonder if it would have been better if she never knew, I could have played the part of asshole and kept her at an arms length, but now she knows her dad isn't her dad. Not really.

Logan's in one of his moods, he's always in these moods when Lilly breaks up with him. Sometimes I have to wonder why they keep coming back to each other. I bet if I asked either of them I'd get the typical 'the sex is great' logan or lilly response. Logan doesn't seem to want to talk to me about it, he just headed off to TJ with Dick and Beaver. I'll never understand any of that, it's not like I don't party, but I know the reason I wasn't invited. I also know I couldn't care less about Dick's latest conquest outside of Madision and that's proabably exactly what the topic of conversation is turning towards.

I can't really worry about Logan right now, Lilly's acting strange enough and I'm not stupid to think it's my breakup with/revelation about Veronica that's got her in a tizzy. Something more is going on and I'm going to find out what it is. You never know with my sister. Either of them.

I really need to sit down and put Veronica in my sister pile, take out all the adolesant fantacies I've ever had of her and burn them from my mind. It's pretty much the only option I have right now. Can't very well be in love with my sister can I? I can hear my father now 'that won't get you into the white house son'.

Maybe I'll see what Shelly Polmeroy is doing this weekend. I really need a replacement fantasy girl, I'd rather not have to classify myself as sick for the rest of my high school career.
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if you have reservations [Jun. 18th, 2005|10:20 pm]
Very Neptune
[mood |satisfiedsatisfied]

I gotta say, I couldn't believe it when I woke up next to Lilly Kane. Neptune's princess. Always figured she was tied down to that Echolls kid for better or for worse, and I never thought she'd be the type to slum it. But damn. That girl was full of surprises.

And she marked me up good last night, too. I chuckled as I pulled on a white t-shirt, covering the tiny finger-shaped bruises that she'd left on my skin. Kitten had claws, and teeth, and she made the cutest sounds when she used 'em. Turned me into a little old pussycat, too, she drove me crazy.

Not in a bad way, though, I'll give the girl that. I finished getting dressed and glanced at the clock. Mid-afternoon already. Guess I was a little more worn out than I'd given her credit for. The smile that hadn't left my face since she'd come over in the first place, into my world, and thrown me for a loop. That was all Lilly Kane.

What a girl. I really couldn't wait to see the look on Echolls's face when she told him she was leaving him for good. He'd be pissed, no doubt, rantin' and ravin' -- but come right down to it, ain't much he could do. Between me and my boys, we could mess him up nice and good, make sure he couldn't walk. Couldn't walk, couldn't chase her.

Couldn't take her back. Not like he deserved her anyway, mackin' on other girls at parties. Couldn't see the prize he had in a goddess like Lilly. She was beautiful, tough, and impossible -- and a real spitfire in bed. Yeah. A guy would have to be a complete jackass to fuck that up, though I guess Echolls probably fit the bill well enough.

She'd told me enough stories, anyway, and I'd promised to protect her. I'd fallen in love with the girl and there was no takin' it back. I grabbed my leather jacket and shrugged it on to my shoulders before picking up my cell and pressing one on the speed dial. Didn't have her programmed under her name, just a question mark -- she'd asked me not to let it get out that we were seein' each other, at least not yet.

For the moment I was amenable. Besides, I figured I'd puzzle her out soon enough and we'd get to tell everybody. Girl had turned me into a regular romantic. And for the moment I was amenable to that, too.

(open to Lilly)
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as close to you as you are standing there [Jun. 18th, 2005|10:15 pm]
Very Neptune

[mood |nervousnervous]

you're not mysterious now

Okay. So here's what I know so far. Lilly is sleeping with Weevil. She thinks that Logan cheated on her, and more than once. Duncan is my brother. And she hates my new clothes, but less than my old clothes.

That's a good start, but I don't think I want to hear any more of Lilly's secrets. Being a best friend is all well and good, but being her accomplice is way more than I signed up for. Logan's my friend, too, and besides -- I'm the one who told Lilly that Yolanda kissed him in the first place. And omitted the fact that he only kissed her back for like half a second.

Doesn't exactly constitute "cheating," but Lilly will look for excuses where she can find them. Besides. Don't I owe it to Logan to tell him about Lilly and Weevil? Especially if this has been going on for -- well, they just broke up last week. How long has Lilly been seeing Weevil behind everybody’s back? She wasn’t exactly forthcoming with that information, and I doubt she would’ve told me at all if she hadn’t been lacking an alibi for last night.

This definitely qualifies as a dilemma, requiring ice cream for brunch (lupper? what time is it, anyway?) and much pondering. I quickly slip out of my pajamas and put on some new, non-Lilly approved clothes and pad into the kitchen. My dad is sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the New York Times. I glance over my shoulder at him as I reach into the freezer.

“You do know that we don’t live in New York, right?” This is standard Sunday conversation. Dad, for whatever reason, insists on having the New York Times delivered to our house three thousand miles away every Sunday morning.

“You know that ice cream is for dessert, right?” I roll my eyes. This, also, is standard. I follow it with a shrug and turn to shove it back into the freezer before plopping down beside him at the table. “I like Maureen Dowd,” he adds, folding the paper and shoving it out of the way. “And also Frank Rich. But seriously, you do know that we have actual food, right Veronica?”

“I crave the sugar rush,” I answer, licking the spoon. I frown. “I forgot whipped cream, though.” Dad rises and heads toward the refigerator.

“On it.” He pulls out the whipped cream canister and carries it over to me, shakes it briefly and holds it poised above my bowl. “Tell me when.” The whipped cream comes streaming out of the pointed tip, and he swirls it around the world.

“You’re the best,” I smile, and he spins the can in his palm so that it’s in an upright position and I frown. “Hey, I didn’t tell you to stop. I was just reminding you that you are superior to males with children.” He chuckles and adds a little more to the mound. “Okay, when.”

“That wasn’t even half a spoonful, Veronica.” I glance up goodnaturedly.

“But I hadn’t told you to stop. It’s the principle of it.” He caps the whipped cream and turns back toward the refrigerator and I start eating some more. “I do stand by my compliment.”

“That’s something, anyway.” He is sitting across from me again, peering over his cup of black coffee. Steam rises from it and he blows on the liquid before taking a sip. “Going out with Lilly today?”

I shake my head and wait until I’ve finished swallowing before I answer his question with a negative. “I think I’m going to see what Logan’s doing.” Dad looks surprised but doesn’t say anything. I can see where he’d be surprised; in general, if I’m not with Lilly or Duncan then I’m with Lilly, Duncan and Logan. One on one time with Logan Echolls is severely limited.

“Did you and Lilly have a fight?” My mom is walking into the kitchen and I look up, surprised to hear her voice. And also surprised at her question, but she immediately explains. “She was here for a few minutes, wasn’t she? Didn’t stay very long.”

“Yeah. I mean, no, we’re not fighting. She just came over to --” I falter. Establish an alibi? No way do I want to explain that. See if I wanted to go shopping? Well then why am I not out spending Dad’s hard-earned money? “She’s having a fight with Logan. I’m supposed to mediate. I’m going over there in a few minutes.”

My mother nods, but my father looks worried. “Is everything okay?”

I take a final bite of my ice cream and stand up nonchalantly. “Oh yeah, fine. You know Lilly though, always loves to heighten the...” I drop the bowl into the sink and rinse it out. “Drama. And the inconvenience.” I sigh, watching as the milky water washes down the drain. “But we are best friends and I should -- I should get going.”

I walk out of the kitchen and head back into my bedroom. I pull on a pair of boots and grab my keys and cell phone. Obviously I have to go to Logan’s before I lose my nerve. I contemplate bringing the taser that my dad gave me. Just in case. In case Logan, you know. Loses it.

But Logan’s not like that, I don’t think, and he won’t... go crazy. Probably. I drop it into the secret pocket of my bag. Always good to be prepared. I close my door as I leave my room and walk back into the kitchen, where it looks as though an argument is about to erupt. “I’ll be back later,” I say brightly, ducking out the front door before they have a chance to say anything.

I reach the Le Baron and slide into the driver’s seat, which is set further back from the steering wheel than I generally keep it. There’s a new sticker on the windshield, telling me to change the oil again in three thousand miles. My dad must have taken it today.

I really do have the best dad ever.

I pull the seat up and start the car, pulling backward out of my driveway, and I drag my phone out of my messenger bag and dial Logan’s number. I don’t know why I didn’t think of calling him before now, but it seems like a good idea; make sure he’s awake, not hung over, not currently fighting with Lilly or palling around with Duncan. He answers.

“Hey, it’s Veronica. Can I come over?”`
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